The Shipping News blog wasn’t about my terrible nature, though my father’s will and temper at times was a very destructive thing, it was about bad elsewhere, and in fact, although ‘the past’ contains many dark things, for many people, loving through it and holding to a bigger truth than my fear or eventual manipulation, would not have seen such a psychic assault on me, and from me, and some kind of personal life miracle too. Pity, but it’s the kind of language I have far more respect for. Actually, it is the theme of most things I’ve written well. The language of science and of spirit, that somehow must walk far better, side by side, and are very much at odds in the crisis of our age. I now really understand some kind of connected force of pure negativity too, that can build in a truly awful way, and just attracts more and more negativity. Its real ‘evil’ is the breaking of true human connections and responsibilities, wherever that starts, that can produce a kind of awful chain reaction. If we realise we are both individuals and part of group forces, it has happened in history time and again.
I also understand that terrible ‘single-eyed’ will that Tolkien writes about in The Lord of The Rings. The eye on Sauron’s tower, a searchlight of blame, aggression and negative judgement. Duck it, avoid it, resist it and throw that ring of possession and bad magic into the Cracks of Doom, my presssssciousssss! It is why the eyes of ‘the World’ are such an invasive thing too, from the nastier press, or backroom rumour and injustice you cannot fight, and we all deserve privacy and respect. Since I have allowed such invasion to me, or it was inevitable at my own publisher, always being the writer trying to talk too, all I can do is think of The Order of The Phoenix, or Gandalf guarding others, and trying to turn into Gandalf the White, in the cavernous psychic canyons of Moria! Is this just the stuff of fantasy and imagination, or the madness and delusion I was labelled with, and sadly accepted on my own head? A true story could not mean there was too much delusion, not if you have an inkling of the enormous force of the imagination and Unconscious, and the reason for great, life affirming stories too. Well, if I never write another thing, I’ll always have Fire Bringer, and so will others! DCD